the eye of the storm

It always amazes me how fast I can go from 60mph to 0mph. The signs are always there, telling me that a storm is coming… And I see them and I dance with them hoping for some sun instead but no the rain will always come. As much as I’ve spoken about what it’s like…

a rationalising thought…

I’ve spent many a year sat in therapy trying to understand my own mind, which is difficult for anyone but even more so when your rapid cycling episodes change on a bi-weekly basis. Why would I put myself through it? Sitting opposite a relative stranger discussing my deepest and darkest thoughts? Well imagine if you…

decades of life…

It’s been a while and I’ve been hiding in my head. Gears whirring away in the background whilst the extroverted cog gets shit done and work starts to pan out. It’s been a month of ditching the depression with the darker evenings and breathing much-needed life into those dark and grey corners… I’m not quite…

inner marilyn

Everyone knows something about Marilyn Monroe. She epitomises old Hollywood and the peaks, troughs and hardships that come with it. We all know how she died and who she dated, everyone has an opinion about this beautiful woman; but none of us truly know who she was. And even though I own countless books, cushions…

something far greater than I

I can’t breathe today. For no reason other than my lungs seem to be hitting my ribs harder than normal, bruising them with every breath. And I can’t get the putridย nausea out of my mouth, burning my throat with every swallow. Depression is a real bastard. You start to see some light through the blackness…

Alone. Together.

When you close your front door and it’s just you, or in my case you and the cat. What do you see? How does it feel? Are you liberated? Independent? Running around with no clothes on? I wish I could tell you that’s how I feel when I close the front door to my little…

life has a pause button right?

Sometimes all I want to do is hit pause. So I can quieten my mind and put everything back in the correct boxes and then hit play again. But life is unfortunately not as simple as a retro VCR (pencils optional). You may have noticed that my blogging has been rather… intermittent of late and…

that’s life, that’s what all the people say…

For once, I am in the throws of a treatment plan and thus far it appears to be going well aside from the occassional throwdown of too much emotion at one time, it’s been a pretty steady period of adjustment. My anxiety for the most part is on check and I am on the whole…

a chance of showers…

the clouds are back in all of their grey gloomy glory, don’t worry there’s been no rehash of pill counting but the rumbling clouds are over head. It is loud yet silent all at the same time… There’s a change in the air, and all I’ve done is hide inside for days unable to talk…

air…

Things are starting to fall into place… I have a new therapist that I shall be seeing fortnightly, a care coordinator that I’ll be seeing bi weekly and a psychiatrist every month or so plus I’ve started art therapy. I have been kicking up such a stink for months and months to get these things…