I’ve been assessed a lot this year – In fear that my mental health has been clouding my days and nights for more than the sun has shone over them.
Taking ownership of my mental health journey over the years has helped me get through some pretty dark times. But you also need to know when to ask for help… and that’s what I’ve done many times this year. So much so it’s forced doctors and psychiatrists to step up and realise that high functioning in society isn’t necessarily high functioning in private.
So here I am. After more days of barely getting out of bed, showering, being social (etc), with an altered diagnosis of Bipolar II and Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder aka Borderline Personality Disorder (not a complete diagnosis but rather I have many of the traits on the spectrum).
WTF does this mean? Well I’m not 100% sure myself. I’m sounding it out… reading the books, applying for skills based therapy courses and finally after months of being on a wait list – beginning talking therapy.
My journey continues and although my diagnosis has changed, my determination to live a happy life also continues. I may struggle to cap my emotions or stop being so hyper sensitive and I’ll continue to carry a heavy cloud with me from day to day. But with the free services on offer, discounted services, government support as well as my loved ones… this journey continues.
I lost my spark this year and some of my hope but the light is starting to illuminate the darkness with beautiful shadows. And that is the important thing. I continue…