What overwhelms me most in life is not the want of money or the elusive shit sticks notion of ‘happiness’, not even the ever expanding fear of terrorism overwhelms me. Nothing as much as the sheer number of other human beings knocking into each other, crossing paths, trying to figure it all out.
I spend far too much time trying to negotiate my place on this planet… not wanting to waste my time here but neither spending so much time trying to leave an imprint that I forget to embrace and enjoy it.
Trying to put into words my frustrations and joy at it all annoys me. Even now typing this, I can’t figure out what it is that I want to say. So many times I’ll reference a song or an album that more eloquently emits these overwhelming moments. Right now it’s Paramore’s ‘After Laughter’ – probably none more than the track ‘Fake Happy’. Yet even that only represents a small part of me at the moment.
It never feels enough. Scratch that. I never feel like I am doing enough; I’m not out marching for true democracy or animal rights. I work, I see friends and family and I repeat the cycle (don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad one), yet as I’ve blogged about before, I continue to ask, what am I doing here?
It’s a question I’m sure to be asking forever, along with many other humans I have no doubt. Even trying to find a hobby that feels me with passion is hard to find… so I continue as I do, asking questions and typing my frustrations and limitations out into the ether in the hope that one day I’ll discover what my role is here. What I can give to the world and hope that above all that when I find it, I’ll know it and I’ll use it to make the world shine brighter and do so with integrity.