It’s been a crazy few weeks of redundancy (again!) and moving back down south to the sea. It’s been a time when friends and family have rallied, the cat has relished his new found freedom of a house with stairs and I have been playing the mindfulness card more than the current wave of cool kids.
It’s all change.
Now many of you with mental health ailments will know that change is a sticky situation- it can create all sorts of stress and anxieties and often cause an episode of sorts.
And I am no different. I’m having a crisis of confidence. If we wrote it all down on paper (WordPress) I think you’d see why.
1. Technically I’m unemployed (albeit temping for a month or so) – seriously where has all the work gone? Theresa May and her booming British economy seems to only benefit a few.
2. I am homeless (technically my kind friend is putting me and Archie up, but I’ve gone from 1 bed garden flat glory to a temporary abode – albeit a nice one).
3. I am without my car – it catastrophically failed it’s mot and now I am without my key of independence.
4. I am single. This didn’t bother me until someone pointed out to me that I’ve been in Devon for two weeks and have yet to mate. Because apparently when you’re having a 30-something-life-crisis relationship status is SO important – warning, eye roll commencing.
All of this is temporary. I know that this is temporary, after two redundancies in less than a year I’m all too aware of it. Yet when you’re building a house of cards, any small movement could change everything. Now this game of life could deal me a hand which would enable me to cash in on 3/4 current cards above… yet it’s all so reliant on getting the big hand to win the flush. (Mixing card playing anaologies appallingly – whoops).
Uncertainty is my nemesis. If this were an 80’s movie it would be the school bully to my nerdy existence. Not know where your life may lead is one thing, but the unknowing of where my next pay cheque is coming from is giving me a proverbial school-nerd-locker-slam-wedgie-sandwich.
I know I’m doing everything I can. I’m one of the most proactive people on the planet when it comes to life sorting… if there’s a job to be applied for – I’ve done it. But this Bipolar warrior is a little scared… more than a little bit anxious and dare I say, not holding it all together… despite my mother’s kick ass pep talk the other day… I may be brave, but dear lord I’m bricking it.