I’ve been feeling fine. Yeah I know actually fine. Who knew such a word could actually contain sentiment but believe it, it can.
For the past month I’ve been busying myself with friends 30th birthday parties, trips to middle earth, baby showers and the like and it’s been lovely. Yet feeling fine has knocked me for six because I’ve realised that whilst I was feeling fine I’d forgotten to keep up my wellness steps… so today I woke up and it was like I’d been kicked in the ovaries.
I love autumn. I love the changing leaves and crisp mornings but autumn often brings with it a side wind of depression, that chill in the air that doesn’t fade but gives you goosebumps all day.
I’ve been full of cold all week so have brushed aside any darker feelings of grey and put it down to not being able to breathe properly and talking like a Simpson character. But let’s be frank that’s only part of the truth and I’ve been avoiding it.
Right now I’m in control of it (if you ignore the fact that I’ve just eaten 4 cherry bakewells in a row) but it’s so easy to forget how quickly and easily the grey can leave its chill. It’s good to acknowledge that I’ve not always got it together that I am not always ok or happy and am just fine. And that’s perfectly ok. It’s absolutely fine to say d’ya know what some days I feel depressed and shitty and hate the world for no reason whatsoever, like today. But I know that I could just as easily wake up tomorrow and feel like I have it all together and be the best version of myself possible.
But today I don’t feel like that, and I didn’t yesterday either and that’s OKAY.