Pain can come in all shapes and sizes… It can be a dull ache or an overwhelming blow but it still hurts.
It doesn’t matter whether you’ve just had your heart broken or you’ve stubbed your toe. It all fucking hurts.
I am now officially out of a job and for me it feels like that overwhelming blow… I’ve always used my job to gauge my level of normalcy, yes I know that’s wrong but my ability to keep a job despite my constant battle with bipolar disorder II, has helped me define who I am. So now that I am without and I go through the hard slog of applications, interviews and rejections; I find myself floating around not able to land…
I don’t have children, I’m not married in fact I couldn’t be anymore single at this point in time therefore my work, my routine and my health are the focal points of my existence.
Alongside this blow is a dull ache of loneliness, dating rejection and the odd reminder of past hurt that scuppers my plans to move forward and has me feeling deflated and worthless. Couple this with what I told you last time regarding my health and medication that lingers on in the background; I’m a little more emotional than I usually am. There were actual, real life tears today.
But maybe that’s what I needed to do to get rid of some of the hurt… Big fat, ugly crying tears. I know I must keep moving forward, and I will fight on but seriously, it really fucking hurts.