Recently I have ignored you. Ignored you in the hope of just ‘getting on with it’. But you see, I can’t because in my quest of normalcy and regularity I have realised that well, I am not either of those things and as much as I hate to admit it, this off loading of thoughts really does do something to ease my worried mind… Sorry about that.
Of late I have been and am under an overwhelming amount of western civilisation level stress. Due to unforeseen circumstances I am back on the job hunt in search of the illusive ‘dream job’ whilst continuing to try as hard as possible to; give my best where I am, be motivated and stay positive about it all. Everyone whose ever had the control taken away from them will know how difficult this can be… Especially trying to pay the rent, bills, daily living and so on, all whilst having a deadline looming over head.
On top of this unwelcome stress I have been diagnosed with an overactive thyroid and have had to reduce my lithium whilst the doctors decide the best course of treatment. Side effects to overactive thyroid include fatigue, tremors, insomnia, anxiety, irritability, nervousness, muscle weakness, loss of libido, blah blah blah. Combine this rather long list of things with the side effects of reducing medication and a large level of stress, the results of which are far from ideal.
I feel like I am not in my own skin, itchy and tetchy unable to do anything yet unable to sleep. Frustrated about EVERYTHING and at myself yet I am not depressed. There is no black cloud that offers a reasoning to feeling so detached from myself… No this time I can’t blame the bipolar, this time my body is having a right old laugh at my expensive and I can tell you im right in between the proverbial rock and a hard place, awaiting (not so patiently) my release.