The world of dating is a minefield of do’s, don’t’s and shit why did I say / do that. It’s a place few dare to tread, I often have friends say to me ‘I don’t know how you can put yourself out there’/ ‘I wouldn’t know what to say’ etc. And quite frankly I’m with them. Yet I persevere in the hope that somewhere out there is someone who knows how to make a cracking Pina Colada and enjoys getting caught in the rain, with an umbrella on standby (come on now, it is England we could be caught in it for days).
In a day and age where online dating is the only way to really meet anyone it’s nigh impossible to ‘meet’ anyone in the real world. Long gone are the days of a chance encounter whilst waiting for the bus home or someone coming up to you in a bar and sparking up decent conversation. If this actually happened to me in my REAL life the following thoughts would run through my head; ‘he must be lost‘, ‘can’t he see I have headphones on and do not wish to be disturbed?!’, ‘my resting bitch face isn’t working‘,’my soul purpose of being at the bar is to get the barman’s attention long enough for him to pour me a drink‘ and so on.
What I am yet to understand are the rules. Whoever tells you that dating isn’t a game, well they are wrong. Cilla Black made a living off of it and Channel 4 continue to provide many hours of entertainment from the; will they won’t they, ‘she’s over dressed’, ‘is he wearing make up?’ angst of it all. Text too much you’re too keen, don’t text enough you’re not interested. Sleep with them on a first date you’re easy, wait too many dates and you’re not easy enough. TOO MANY VARIABLES. For example, my dating life has been sporadic this year but it’s mostly consisted of me ending the game with really hurt feelings, leaving me feeling distrustful and pretty pissed off having never really passed Go!
This makes it a little pants for the poor guy aptly named pineapple guy by a friend, whom I’ve been dating recently, 5 dates to be exact He’s super cute, kind, interesting and has pretty epic hair plus a strong beard, a bit of a catch really. He ever so kindly bought me a funny, thoughtful Christmas gift which I wasn’t expecting and as fate would have it I too purchased one for him! But for fear of looking too keen, I left it at work and succumbed to the fact that it would gather dust in my drawer for the foreseeable future.
There are no dodgy signals or warning signs that imply I should bail overboard and hope I make it back to land, zilch, but my head is full of questions that I’ll never say aloud. The games of others have left me feeling insecure – ugh! Shitty word but unfortunately the main reason for all of the WTF’s?! Trust is a huge issue for me and I find myself not being able to comfortably sit in the ‘see what happens’ box, I don’t want to rush into a relationship or down an aisle or anything but when is it OK to ask about boundaries and exclusivity without branding yourself in a relationship?
I like this guy, hopefully he finds my quirks endearing and likes me too but whose to say when either of us may step on a mine.