There have been many moments in the last year. Sad, traumatic, painful, happy, frightening, content, joyous, angry… The whole spectrum of human emotions and I’ve felt at least 90% of them in the past 12 months.
Some of them have been fleeting, many have haunted me like an old ghost story round a camp fire – minus the marshmallows. But all of them have offered an opportunity to understand myself – possibly the most cliched thing I’ve ever written but none the less true.
I’ve learned the power of words both written and verbal, how just one kind word can brighten even the darkest of days, how one blog post of complete honesty can change someone else’s life and how even on the saddest of days a fleeting moment of joy can be found – like being at your favourite persons wake and discovering for the first time the other incredibly happy moments of their existence.
I know that with my Bipolar there will always be hurdles and I will forever be learning how to accept its boundaries and craft my own limits but how lucky I am that I have such opportunity. That with the support of medication, family, friends and even the haters; that I have the incredible opportunity to be just like everybody else.
I have been hiding behind it for a decade, afraid to come out and let the guards down and be my true self. Constantly grappling with what others think of me and what I think they believe I should be, drowning in the anxiety that all of that brings. But I have come to realise that the bullshit I’ve been hiding behind is exactly that, complete and utter bullshit.
I am NOT Bipoar, I HAVE Bipolar – what an eye opening discovery that is.
Those 90% of emotions are going nowhere but I am comforted by this recent realisation that my life is my own and not dictated by an illness.
How grateful I am for all of those little moments, however challenging and painful some of them have been, they have got me to where I am today, feeling, no! Knowing that I can achieve great things of my own choosing; that I can finally take the mask off and show the world what’s been hidden away for so long.
Take my hand and join me won’t you?